I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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