You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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