if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
im holly from the hills drunk
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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