He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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