I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I stole a fireplace last night.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
