That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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