Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize