I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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