One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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