If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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