You smell like stripper and shame
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
