so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
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