i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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