he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
