I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
