its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
