nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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