i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
