She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
