I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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