i wish starbucks made bloody marys
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
