you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
