Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
