i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
