I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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