i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
