There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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