New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
