Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
