he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
