Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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