i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
