who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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