I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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