her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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