My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
