i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize