I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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