are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
