dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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