I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
My vagina is very pro this idea
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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