why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
