You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
