I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
time to smoke my breakfast
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
