Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
