So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
