HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
