But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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