Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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