So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
