I think i peed on brittanys purse
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
