Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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