I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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