I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
