Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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