My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
