Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
We need a shit load of segways right now
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
