At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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