Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
