Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
