Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
