ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
