:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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