that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Sext me about skeletons
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
