I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Dicks are not precious.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
