I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize