It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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