one might say we're banned from that church
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
