don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
