well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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