he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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