I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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