just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
