I need help removing her.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
