he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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