I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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