try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
