Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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