I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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