We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
