you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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