A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
