i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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