shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
