My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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