There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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