You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
