i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
