I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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