that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize