It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
you inspire me to be a worse person
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
so much tequila, so little girl.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
