I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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