just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
