Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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