Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
