Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
