In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
