All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
