My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
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