Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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